Monday, September 4, 2017

The Relapse

The first couple of months of celibacy were difficult.  I was bombarded with temptation through the form of television, magazines, and close friend's. The more I tried to close my eyes to temptation the more temptation seemed to follow me.  In the mist of my celibacy journey I gave into my urges and I relapsed. 
When I began my journey of celibacy I intended to wait until marriage as I wanted to save myself for my future Husband, but temptation had other plans. You see, resisting temptation is normal in the beginning stages of your walk with Christ. Although I planned on waiting for my future spouse I gave into my former way of life. In this instance I decided not to resist sexual sin. I  talked myself into the sin I took part in and gave myself over to the indulgences of my fallen flesh. As I blamed myself for not being able to accomplish celibacy, I pondered if celibacy was just another goal on my checklist. I thought to myself has celibacy become another deadline? Load and behold, it has. Within this time I had forgotten why I was waiting for marriage and also have forgotten why I decided to follow Christ.

I allowed myself to be consumed by sin all because I counted down the days of celibacy as if it was a death sentence. I realized that in order to remain celibate I needed to shift my mindset and no longer see celibacy as a punishment but something in which I am choosing to do to build a relationship with Christ. This became a turning point for me because I began to no longer see celibacy as a negative but saw it as a positive. I realized that I made one major mistake in the beginning stages of my journey. That major mistake being I did not read the Bible. Prior to my relapse I was spending quality time with God, but I was not reading the bible devotionally. I would read the bible here and there, but was I grasping what I was reading, NO. Post- relapse I made a conscious effort to spend quality time in the word and read the bible devotionally. Every morning I pray, drink apple juice, read my Bible and meditate on a scripture. The Bible has become a place of hope, refuge, and strength for my life. As the Lord reveals truth through the Bible. 

"For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." – Romans 15:4

I vowed to learn from this experience and share this relapse with you because relapse is common in many Christians lives and is avoidable. I believe with all my heart and soul that with patience and reading the bible I have been able to follow him with more stability, joy and peace. He who is in us is greater than the brokenness of our natural flesh. I believe through the bible the Lord gives us all the tools needed to fight these daily tough battles of sin. We just need to continue to seek him and take hold of the power he offers us. I truly wish it all would've gone differently, but I am made new in Christ and now know that I am not fighting this battle alone. 

With Love,

She Commands 

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